Monday, March 30, 2009

Dah Gooroo givz dah ansriz

WELLL HAIIIII! Itz me, Dah Bugg Gooroo.

Wow yooz gueyz had so menny reelly grate qwestshuns to ask me. I will ansirz dem all now.

Brutus asks, "Why doesn't my human allow me to roam the neighborhood? There are so many places to go and smell. I will come home when I am hungry or thirsty?"

Brootuz, unfourtoonatelee, yoor hooman haz dah job, an cannut do wut she wantz all dah time. She iz jelus dat yoo can an she iz takin it out on yoo. All hoomans do dis. It iz der nayture an we haz to forgivz dem fur it. Dey do dah best dey can.

Rachel and Clementine ask, "Why is it that every time Winston gets within 1'' of my face, he feels the need to share a big, wet SNEEZE with me?!?! I can't tell you how many times this has happened and I don't know what it means?"

Raychul n Cwemmie, dah puggie sneez iz akchully a sine of hi regaurd in duh pug wurld. Sir Harlez, mah brudder, iz nown fur hiz copeeus sneezuz. It iz lyke a gentulman kissun dah haynd of a ladeey. Uptmozt reespekt. Yoo shud be onored.

Ruby Bleu asks, "Two duckies (yes, real duckies) have landed in my pool. A boy duckie and a girl duckie. What should I do?"

Rooby, a gurl AN a boy dukey?? Yoo shud giv dem deir spayce!!!! Dey wantz to do dah dukey kissez an stuf. It iz not polight to wach. Den latur yoo can ask dem if dey reed yoor blog. I heer yoo are verry popyoolur with dah dukey popyoolashun.

Suki Sumo asks, "My brudder has a licking addiction. From morning till night he has to groom me or my parents or his own feetsies. How can we get him to stop?"

Soookeeee, yoor nayme is so fun to saeyyyy!! Sooookeeeeeee! Oh ya dah qwestshun. Has yer brudder Mojo tryd to eetz dah poopz? I do an dah poopz haz kept me lick-free fur 2 yeers an 31 dayz. It iz a grate way too currb a likun adikshun, wich it sounz lyke yoor brudder haz. Offur him sum poopz next tyme yoo can!

Joe Stains asks, "I have had a question for a couple of years now...what in the heck is wrong with Tanner???"

Joe Stayns, I tink yoo haz Tannur all rong. Lyke me, it seemz Tannur is oftun undurestumayted.

I tink dat many wuld no him az Tanhatma Ghandi. I see grate tingz fur him in hiz futyure. Wut an inspyring BT.

Coco asks, "Why do I have to eat special dog food, raw veggies and organic natural nutricious food when my mom eats meats, grease, cholesterol and sugary edible stuff??"

Coco mah buddeee, dah hoomans dont understaynd dah nootrishunal valyoo and benifitz of dah poopz. Datz why dey wayste der calohreez on dah sugurz an dah meetz. Jusst eat moor poopz. Yoo will be fyne.

Apollo asks, "Why does my Mommy baby talk to me?"

Apallooo, mah Daddeee sez it iz becuz I am uh preshuss littul baybee gurl. I gues dat meens it iz becuz yoo are uh preshuss littul babybee boy. Hoomans are weeyrd.

Mah sissy Sopheee's BFF Pearl asks, "On Valentine's Day, I went on 4 dates. I was fun, yet lady-like. I didn't smooch and tell. I was a real lady! I still don't have a boyfriend. No one has asked me out since then. What's wrong with me Dixiiieee? Do I stink?"

Pearly-Poooo- did yoo cloze dah deel? With uh likk or too? With us pugz beein so lax abot sniffun an likkun, a goodnyte likk nevur hurtz an iz purfektly akseptabul. Did yoo tank dem fur dah daytes? Or invyte dem out agin??? Bein fowurd iz apropriut in 2009. Gud luk! Oh an pee-s of CORSE yoo stynk! Yoo haz uh bootiful stynk on yoo.

Nevis asks, "How do you get all the boy puggies to like you so much? None ever seem interested in my little Ruki...!"

Nevisss, tell Rookiiii to solissit on dah inturnet! It iz wut I didz. A datin contesst iz alwayz gud. Giv it uh try!!!

Mah buddy Hank's mom asks, "My question is this: when Hank and Molly lick each others' faces are they making out? Or just eating each others' eye boogers?"

Haynks Momma, dey ar eetun eech udder's bougerz. If yoo do not haz dah poopz to eetz, den dah bougerz are dah sekund best. Sharin incuraged. I sugest dat dah pugz lern dah noseguard lyke we doo. Dey keep yer bougerz fur yerself.

Clover asks, "Can you tell me how to convince my parents to let me play more in my mud yard without giving me a bath? I am tired of going on boring walks instead of doing zoomies in my perfectly wonderful muddy yard."

Clohvur, dah theum tonyte seemz too bee "silly hoomans." Dey haz no logik. Neway, maykz yur own mudd. Poopz and peez in dah house an den do dah zoomeeez all arond. Den, yoo can eatz dah poopyz and dat will meen no baff!!!! Purfekt. (Pee-S: Clohvur iz makun sum changiz an haz no blog rite now, so datz why der isnt uh link.)

Savun duh best fur last, mah boyfrend Murphee asks, "I know you're my girlfriend and stuff, but can you still answer my question? If so, here it is: why do my farts smell SO freakin' bad, but my sisters' farts don't? We eat the same food!"

Murphee, mah daddee sez evrywon haz der own "brand." Evry brand iz difrnt an yoo juss haz uh stinkee brand. Datz won of dah reesunz yoo iz mah boyfrend!!!! Embrayce yoor brand.

Okeeee datz it! Gooroo outttt!

16 comments:

Stacy/Brutus said...

Bugg you are so smart. I can't wait til your next session.

Sandra y Coco said...

Bugg, your wisdom always amazes me! come back soon for another session of questions!

Rachel said...

Thank goodness for the gooroo. How else would all these important life questions get answered?!? I think this should be a monthly blog, Dixie.

Joe Stains said...

UMM Tanner as GANDHI?! omdog, could I really have missed that?! I am going to go back and do some major soul searching.

Apollo-of the Greek God's Pug said...

You are a very smart Bugg Gooroo. Your answers are very enlightening. My Mommy's comment is: LMAO...whatever that means.

Pearl said...

Ohhh Bugg Gooroo! I bow down to your wisdom!

I will ask out some boys on dates. You're right. Why hadn't I thought of that?! You and Murfeee are in a pawsome relationship... I should follow your advice!

Rosie said...

Bugg - any chance we can get an audio of those Q&A's - LOL

Nibbles Treats said...

You are very wise and knowing. Thank you.

Tinkerbell, Oscar and Tucker

Nevis said...

Forget "Dear Abby"...! Bugg Gooroo should have her own newspaper column! Like Carrie from [Sex in the City]........we shall call it "Bugg in Suberbia"!

The Devil Dog said...

Oh Bug Gooroo, you were wonderful Thank you for answering all those great questions. Especially the one about Clover's blog. We were worried.

Roxy & Lucky

Heather and Pumpkin said...

I love it. You have all the answers. You are like a bugg Oprah.

xoxo
Pumpkin

Clover said...

Thank you Gooroo! Of course, I should make my own mud in the house!! I hope this works, I will keep you posted.
Thanks for the note about my blog too. :)
Love Clover xo

Suki Sumo said...

Thanks Gooroo! I will pass the message along to Mojo. He is pretty oblivious to poop- he even steps in his own right after he makes it. And I hates the poops. If I come across the poops I get grossed out and back away from it very quickly. We just don't share your affinity for the poops! Maybe he should try it in poopsicle forms? Or maybe his poops are THAT rank!

Ruby Bleu said...

oh bugg gooroo...you are my hero. I agree, we need monthly bugg gooroo therapy sessions for sure. Thanks for the help, I will give the duckies their space...

Lots of Licks, Ruby

Hank said...

Miss Bugg, thanks so much for sharing the knowledge. I was getting a little uncomfortable thinking they were making out right in front of me. I can sleep easier knowing it's just their love of boogers.

XO

Hank's mom

Murphy Dogg said...

Thanks Dixie! I guess I'm just a stinky boy. It might annoy Mama & Dad, but I'm glad you love me for it! (in spite of it??)
C-ya,
Murphy Dogg